That Old Money Story

Almost everything today is measured. From credit ratings to education, our performance to our physical condition. We measure ourselves against figures, statistics, and quantities, against others and what is considered the norm every day. One of the most powerful measuring tools is money. It can be guiding us each day in what we do, how we feel and how we respond to life, without us realisng it.

You could say it is almost part of who we are. We relate to our bank balances as an indication of how well we are doing in this world of constant measurement. Money is all-pervasive and can drive people to do things that would normally be against their standards, values and beliefs. In this way, it can cause them to compromise their integrity.

Insecurities

Our own insecurities and stories around money mean we tend to hide and protect it, never discussing it with others. Let’s face it, how many people are truly authentic about their financial situation? It’s likely there are many millions of people in the UK with financial difficulties and we carry on our daily lives with the pretence that it’s all ok.

When people do share about their financial situation, the standard description is something like ‘If I had more money that would solve the problem, my life would then be okay, I’d be okay’, almost as if one’s level of happiness, contentment or success can be satisfied with having money or more money. To quote Benjamin Franklin….

Money has never made man happy, nor will it, there is nothing in its nature to produce happiness. The more of it one has, the more one wants

There are many wise and wonderful quotes, such as ‘money can’t buy you happiness’ etc. However, while people often acknowledge that this is true, in reality they actually don’t believe it. It’s as if we relate to money in the same way we relate to our actual surviva -, a matter of life or death. We’ve constructed a world which is based upon money, determined by money and ultimately “given” by money. In order to survive we must have money to buy food, clothing and a roof over our heads. This is the paradox.

So, how can we BE with this conundrum of knowing or at least having a sense that money can’t buy us happiness, peace of mind or love and yet accepting it as a necessity? How can we learn to be okay with this apparent contradiction?

Did you know that you could be okay with however your bank balance is?
 

The Narrative Approach

We can do this using the fundamental principles of a narrative approach. This approach says that we all have stories (personal and family narratives) that shape how we see ourselves, how we experience the world and how we relate to others - people and things (such as money). In other words, we are creating our own identity  through our stories.

It works something like this: when something happens in our lives, we automatically attribute meaning to the event. We do this unconsciously, and often it serves us well. Many of the 'meanings' we carry around, like a background program in a computer, were laid down when we were very young. For example, a child frightened by a dog might now 'know' that dogs are frightening. From then on, until she discovers a new possibility - that one dog was frightening and many others are friendly - she goes to great lengths to avoind all dogs.

The 'Truth'

The meanings we carry around constantly build and shape our identity and at the same time our experience of, in, and with, the world. Narratively speaking these are identity conclusions and, for each of us, they become “the truth”, (we all hold different 'truths').

But it is not really a truth, it is only our conclusion drawn through our perception of what happened. Hence,  different people can experience the same event and have an entirely different perception of what happened. Some of the stories we tell ourselves become dominant in our lives – they become our “fundamental truths” if you like.

Unknowingly, we continually search for more evidence to strengthen these stories as being true. We don’t really notice when something happens that is outside our dominant stories because we are so busy collecting the evidence of our “fundamental truths”. It’s as if the brain sifts through billions of bits of information for what it recognises and disregards the rest. And so our stories become more and more powerful.

A client recently said:

‘I am being fearful, irresponsible, disempowered, chained down…

My money story has held me back throughout my adult life. It is the cause of endless arguments, and it consistently undermines my confidence, creativity and peace of mind. It is a big ask to try and change it because nothing I have done up to now (and I have tried lots of different things, from self-help books and courses to hypnotherapy) has made any difference. But, that is what I am asking for help with from Narrative Coaching right now.’

 

Perspective

When we engage in a personal narrative inquiry we come to understand, and embody, the principle that life appears to us in a certain way as a result of our own perspective. This perspective has been prompted by our stories and has become a set of filters through which we view - and judge - life. It applies to everything from relationships to events, and things.

They all occur to us though our own stories giving us our own, unique, meaning to life.. Money is no exception to this rule.The understanding - that our beliefs are not actually truths - allows us to realise that we always have a choice: that other interpretations are also available.

Outrageous

It’s pretty outrageous to suggest that how money occurs to us is only a story isn’t it?

Just imagine that, in the same way you’ve created your existing story you could also create an alternative, maybe something more empowering, abundant and fulfilling for yourself.

Simon will tell us more about this soon.